This is my beginning. After much toil and procrastination I recently took a leap of faith and hosted an event based on some words of wisdom I had been inspired to write. One morning I woke up and the Holy Spirit impressed upon me to write a little message to women who are becoming who they were meant to be. I thought about my own journey to become that woman God had predestined me to be and I became overwhelmed. With joy right? Nope. I became overwhelmed with frustration. While I am not who I used to be, I realized just how far I was from becoming who I had always saw myself as or thought I should be. I thought about all the time I wasted trying to “find myself” through the eyes of others. On December 17, 2017 I wrote my first post.
I began learning this lesson when I had encountered a season of being unsettled and impoverished in my mind and heart for the benefit of others. I spent more time trying to please other people’s satisfaction than my own. I am not, nor have I ever been an angel, but I love caring for others and giving others what I could not give myself– love! I always valued the opinions of those I admired above anything else. So of course when I received any words about not being good enough I took it to heart. Nothing spectacular had really happened in my life as far as I could see and I had nothing to really offer anyone. So I wrote myself off. I told myself I would always be Miss Temporary to all I meet. I told myself these things to justify my feelings. Writing myself off seemed like a big deal to me. I needed to do that to justify however my life was going to turn out.
While transitioning through the phases of this season I realized that I was still missing so much. I was going to church and receiving solid word, but I couldn’t take it in for application. I was full of everybody else’s junk. When that particular time was finally over, I didn’t even know anything about myself. I didn’t know what I liked to eat. I didn’t know what it was like to have spare time. I didn’t know what inspired me or what I wanted out of life. I wasn’t sure what I loved about me or what it was like to really be loved. Seems stupid, right? It’s trivial now, but then my mind couldn’t comprehend what had happened to me.
What am I saying? It’s easy to want to be a pleaser and live up to the expectations of those you admire. Pleasers don’t like confusion and will roll with the punches even if it kills them. God did not design us to be this way. His intent for us is far greater than we could ever reason or imagine. So one night after a very intimate phone call with a friend I HAD to declare that THE PARTY WAS OVER! It was time to get to know myself and my worth in Christ a little more.
I started investing in my spiritual walk with Christ. I applied what scriptures I knew and as I studied more I gained more knowledge to apply. One of my favorite scriptures comes from Isaiah. No matter what people sowed into me with negative words and ill-wishes, I ultimately had the ability to choose to allow it to manifest in my life.
So, WELCOME to “Dear #GrowingWoman”! I pray that my leap of faith into the unknown is beneficial to your walk. Okay, ladies, the party is over and it’s time to walk into your best self in Christ. I want nothing more than to empower women and girls to best ALL that God predestined them to be. I’m learning and I hope you’ll learn with me!
With all the love I can give,
Jocelyn (The grateful late bloomer)